dan dreifort faq
Want to know about Dan Dreifort?
Q: Why does this page's headline call Dan Dreifort a fag?
A: That's not a "g" it's a "q". You know, rhymes with queue? Well, actually they're homophones, I guess.
Q: Dan Dreifort is a homo-what?
A: I think there's a little disconnect here. (The next question better not be, "He has a little what?")
Q: Why does this website about Dan and other Dreiforts look so janky?
A: There's no reason it should look any better. It's not like Dan's selling websites.
Q: I thought Dan Dreifort made websites, what gives?
A: Dan Dreifort made his first website circa 1995. He learned a few tricks from Chris Perisho (as Chris made the Our Smiling Jesus Band website,) and then Dan skimmed through the first two days of a book called something like, "Learn HTML in 7 Days!" ...Which upon further consideration reminds us of that clarinet scene from Ferris Bueller's Day Off, "Never had one lesson!" Though he'll occasionally "make" a mediocre website these days, he spends most of his time making other people's websites better in very specific ways.
Q: Then, if Dan Dreifort worked in the bakery industry, he'd be a cake icer?
A: What a delicious, half-baked analogy! Specifically, Dan Dreifort focuses on Search Engine Optimization (SEO) and multivariate UX tests. He also dabbles in Reputation Management (RM) and other realms of digital communications. He's in messaging and marketing. Dan Dreifort will be first against the wall come the revolution.
Q: So why am I paying Dan Dreifort for IT security advice, TV commercial scripting and music beds?
A: You fool. Dan Dreifort can actually do that stuff too, but his core strengths in any realm are his communication, cross-discipline comprehension, trouble-shooting, creativity and networking skills, I.e. he can understand problems, find solutions to them, and he's not afraid to ask his more qualified peers for help, especially when it comes to security!
Q: Is this page Dan Dreifort pitching for a job? Seems like it.
A: No. Why would you start a job pitch like this? That said, Dan Dreifort knows what's really important, and how much he'd sell it for. Dan Dreifort will almost always entertain selling a little more of his time to great client-partners.
Q: All work and no play makes Dan Dreifort a dull boy?
A: No. Dan Dreifort works to play. Dan Dreifort is for scuba. He enjoys traveling with friends or his wife. Dan also enjoys movies. His favorites are Lawrence of Arabia and The Big Lebowski.
Q: I found a Dan Dreifort song under a rock. Dan makes music?
A: Yes. He plays many instruments and has the voice of a pop angel/avant-prog demon. His compositions enthrall listeners. His current bands are Indelible Beancurd and SynthBandDotCom. Dan Dreifort would like to step up this aspect of his life, but most musicians are inherently lazy, and his musician-friends keep moving to cities with cheaper housing, and/or getting married and popping out babies. These trials make it difficult to be a rock star.
Q: Why can't I add Dan Dreifort as a friend on facebook?
A: Dan uses his facebook profile to spy on his clients' facebook pages. That's it. He knows too well the amazing power of the facebook advertising machine. (It and its evil ilk are some of the most highly targeted advertising opportunities out there.) He helps people harness these resources but would never provide Satan Zuckerberg and Co. with his real data. If you want to connect with Dan Dreifort, try LinkedIn or other avenues.
Q: Is it ironic that Dan Dreifort locks down facebook while enabling other people to exploit it?
A: Yes, partly. Alanis Morissette would disagree though. But she doesn't know what "irony" means. Thanks to her, millions of people think it's ironic any time something bad happens. "It's like RAAAAIIIIIN on your wedding day!"
Q: What else does Dan do?
Q: Can I ask more questions about Dan Dreifort? How do I get in touch with him?
A: No, No more questions. This faq is tired. If you can't find a way to get in touch with Dan Dreifort, he probably doesn't want to talk to you ;) But you can check out his rarely-updated resume, or biz page if you want. Thanks for reading. Get back to work!